Beyond Self-Improvement: Letting Go of the Separate Self

We live in the age of self-improvement. Therapy, trauma-healing, productivity hacks, and endless self-help advice promise to make us better, happier, more fulfilled versions of ourselves. But have you ever stopped to ask: who or what is actually being improved? Is there really a fixed “self” at the center of all these efforts, or is the very notion of self just another story the mind tells?

Non-duality suggests that nothing is truly separate. There’s no myself versus otherself—it’s all just ONE: Turiya or pure consciousness, appearing as both knower and known in every state, whether waking, dreaming, or deep sleep.

Think about dreams. We see a whole world and many beings, all created by our own mind. Yet, we experience the dream from the perspective of just one character. When we wake up, we simply let the whole dream go. We easily accept that dreams are mind-made, though some of us still get caught up analyzing them.

But when it comes to waking life, we hesitate to say the same. Isn’t that interesting? Of course, dreams and waking life are different—what happens in one doesn’t carry over to the other. (You can win the lottery in a dream, but you can’t cash it in the morning.)

Let’s set aside the differences for a moment and look for common ground.

In both worlds, there’s a vantage point—a sense of “Self” experiencing everything. Everything else is “not-Self,” but still part of our experience. So far, so good.

Now, can we agree that the way things appear—whether in dreams or waking life—is shaped by the mind?

For example:

• In a dream, the tree you see is a mental creation.
• In waking life, the way a tree appears is also constructed by the mind, even though a physical tree out there is participating in the mechanics of the appearance-construction.

For some people, a tree is just a tree. For others, the tree is more than just a tree; it is also a source of nostalgia, or sorrow, or happiness, and so on. The phenomenological occurrence of the tree is entirely mind-made.

Let’s take another example:

• If a dream is scary, every scary detail is mind-made.
• In waking life, when something feels scary, that feeling is also constructed by the mind, isn’t it?

A tiger isn’t inherently scary or safe. Babies might see a tiger and feel nothing, while adults, understandably, feel fear. The difference isn’t in the tiger—it’s in how the mind constructs the experience. For some, like Jim Corbett, tigers might even evoke fascination instead of fear.

Pause for a moment and take a look at all the experiences that are currently present in your awareness. You experience a body, some visuals, sound, touch, and so on. You also experience subtle sensations, such as thoughts, emotions, and the stories of seemingly individual people. Each sensation, whether gross/physical or subtle/mental, constructs an experience, and what’s present is a continuous stream of experiences.

The working theory we have is that the mind constructs all experiences, both in dreams and waking life, but who knows for sure? All we can say is that there is a stream of experiences. That’s all!

Some of these experiences are grouped into “Self” and others into “not-Self.” But if you look closely, it’s all just a stream of experiences, no matter how you group them.

Here’s a question: Who is all this experience appearing to?

We often say, “experiences appear to me.” But who—or what—is “me”?

Try asking yourself, “Who am I?” Notice that any answer comes as thoughts or images, which are essentially subtle experiences, also constructed by the mind. Isn’t it?

So, who are these experiences appearing to? Pause and really look. If you set aside the usual answers, you might notice there’s no separate “someone” at the center. Experiences simply arise and fade in pure consciousness.

From this perspective, the distinction between Self and not-Self fades. There’s just a stream of experiences.

What happens if you stop trying to improve your “Self” and instead let go of the idea of a separate Self altogether?

Maybe self-improvement isn’t about working on your-Self, but about loosening your grip on the notion of Self.

Try it. See what happens. Things might just feel a lot simpler.

And, you might just wake up from your waking experience.

Except, even after waking up, everything remains exactly as it is. But the difference is that things will now flow like a wave, and we stop beating ourselves up about their material or solid appearance when looked at in snapshots.